Waiting for...

"Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for him." -Hebrews 9:27-28
"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." -Psalm 27:4

In the community of folks that I live my life around, a great deal of thoughts and words are spent in the direction of waiting. We spend our Advent remembering that we are to watch and wait for Immanuel, God with us. Immanuel 2000 years ago. Immanuel now. Immanuel to come. We celebrate, remember, and wait for the God who was, is, and is to come.
We sing about it. We teach about it. We pray about it. We wonder about it. And I guess I'm finding myself asking the simple questions: what does it mean to wait for God and why are we told in scripture to do so?

By nature, waiting finds one in a posture of lacking or dependence. Every Christmas eve from 1987-1993 would find me and my brother awake at 4.30 eagerly awaiting the 6.00 hour that our parents set as the time we could see what Santa brought for us. We were lacking bicycles, teenage mutant ninja turtles, and baseball cards, so why would we not be up for hours eagerly anticipating what would soon become ours. We were dependant on some outside force (i.e. Santa=mom and dad) to provide what it was that we were waiting for.

If we already had the complete set of 1988 Donruss baseball cards, we wouldn't be up all night waiting for them-lack. If it weren't for parents who cared about their 2 overly eager sons, we wouldn't have been up waiting for gifts-dependant.

Where are you lacking?
Where are you dependant?

I'm so quick to make sure that I'm not lacking what it is I want. I work hard so that I am independent. Maybe waiting for Christ could simply mean allowing myself to lack. Maybe waiting for Christ could simply mean intentionally seeking dependence.

Waiting...am I?

At times, waiting happens in the face of the most desperate of circumstances. We wait to hear the results from the doctor. We wait for the phone to ring from that one specific person. Maybe waiting could simply mean being desperate for something to come to me with hope in hand.

But the thing about waiting is that at times, waiting causes us to miss now. We get so caught up in what we're waiting for that we miss the moment to moment normalness of life. In waiting for Santa to bring me that blue huffy bike on Christmas morning, I missed the interactions with grandma and grandpa. And while they understood why, I missed them nevertheless. Are we to miss the normalness of a walk as the sun goes down? Are we to miss the samenss of seeing our breath when we breathe on a frigid winter morning? Are we to miss the sweetness of a welcoming embrace of a friend? Are we called to miss now because we're waiting for what has yet to come?

What if waiting means living a desperate, lacking, dependant life rooted in the nowness of each moment, guided by the raising of our eyes to what we're waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? Is it strong enough to draw you back to the nowness of today all while shaping the way you live in the now?

Numb

Where are you oh my heart
I thought i knew just where to find youI
've grown tired of this game of hide and seek
Only to find it hidden under lock and key

numb...numb
Where are you oh emotion?
I thought you were sewn upon my sleeves
I grow tired of this digging
Digging to find it's still further burried

Numb...numb...

Why does it seem the one who hid it is the only one who can find it?
Is the one who burried it the only one that can unearth it?

numb...numb

Cut through like a knife
Drive through like a stake
Scream out in the rain
Unearth from your grave

(this is a little old, but hey, might as well put it on here)

...so far...

100 dreams (so far)
1. World Series Game
2. Wife and kids
3. Hawaii Vacation
4. Know Christ's voice more each year
5. School of spiritual direction with Larry Crabb
6. See a game at every MLB stadium
7. Write a book
8. See U2 live
9. Love God more each year
10. Learn more how to walk in step with the Spirit

100 Dreams

Recently a friend of mine challenged me to join him in brainstorming 100 dreams for my life. I've found out that putting 100 dreams to page isn't as easy as it may seem, at least for me. I'm finding that in living my life day to day, I often forget the big picture. I live a short-cited life. And while in some ways living in the now is good, I feel like I'm trapped in living a small, me-centered life. I can handle living a small, quiet life. What I fear is realizing 5 years, 10 years, 15 years from now that I've wasted my life because I've not had vision to see beyond the day to day and week to week.

In all of this, I keep coming back to hope. hope. hope. "And these three remain, faith, hope, and love, but the greatest of these is love." Seems like I've spent a lot of time thinking about faith and love, leaving behind hope. And while living full of faith and love is important, what if hope shapes my love and faith? What if love affects faith and hope? What if faith affects love and hope? What if I've been relying on 2 legs of a 3-legged stool? Wouldn't that leave me on the floor? hope. hope. hope.
Hope-(verb)"To look forward with desire and reasonable confidence"
With this thought of hope, it seems that what I hope for shapes the way I live right now. If I hope to see a World Series game at some point in my life (which I do), it will affect the way I'm living now. There are choices I will make that will lead towards making this hope a reality. I will say yes to things with this hope in mind. I will say no to things with this hope in mind.

And if I don't acknowledge this hope, I will live only here and now. Here and now is good. Here and now is important. But what if here and now for me is because I'm too lazy and apathetic to discipline myself now for the sake of faith, for the sake of hope, and for the sake of hope.

SO-what are you hoping for? What are you dreams?
Dream on...